The Social Debt Couriers

In an initiative to bring awareness to the continued social housing shortage and homelessness crisis in Toronto, The Social Debt Couriers have announced the creation of a service for busy urbanites delivering customized “Regrets” letters to events and galas they are unable to attend. For the donation of $10 or greater to a homelessness service provider a courier will arrive at the event the donor is unable to attend and hand-deliver the regrets letter to the person or peoples concerned, in a tongue-in-cheek homage to the increasingly busy lives of Toronto’s culturati.

The Social Debt Couriers
Toronto’s first ever anti-event service.

Jan. 24th 2008, Toronto.

You too have seen the signs.

The proliferation of happenstance that blur the boundary between business and pleasure, pleasure and greater pleasure, professional development and obligation, thing you want to go to and thing you have to go to.

You have seen the ascension of the Events Promoter to a Thing, pubs that take their names not from licentious asocial debauchery (“The Pukey Isolate”) but from a polemical enticement to be out and about, in a place of basking centrality, among The People (“The Social,” “The Kitchen”).

Are you an active urbanite, chronically participating, habitually over-extended and living in the city of Toronto?

Are you one of those artists, producers, cultural workers, DJs, activists, gadflies, hometown stars, journalists, that mark as important in your Outlook all the events you want to go to, need to, are hosting yourself, need to return the favour and go to, and then, of course, would like to go to; and find yourself only able to catch up on a few zzzs at the improvisational metal concert between the baby christening and pro-choice seminar for radical women of sport?

At last, Toronto’s first anti-event courier service can see you take in your best friend’s birthday party but miss your mother’s debut painting salon, and offend neither. Insinuate your presence at every Friday night vernissage along Queen West and still do you what you secret long to do, take in the boob-tube on a Friday night.

Here’s how it works. By contacting our profesh operators at, just tell us your name, the name of the event you would otherwise be attending, it’s time and location, and if applicable, the name of the contact whom you would like to receive your snazzy pre-fab regrets letter hand-delivered by our Social Debt Courier. Working by the universally acknowledged system of mercantile karma, we will in return send you the name and mail info of the homelessness service provider our trusty sources have deemed in need of your financial assistance, and you will make out a $10 minimum or greater cheque contribution to them. In return, your regrets letter will be composed, hand-delivered, your social capital maintained, and your night at home doing sweet jack-scott nothing duly earned. Do not send us your money. We do not like it, we have already pre-anticipated the sort of trouble we would get in if you sent your life savings to us. And how do we know we can trust you to send your cheque in? **** Because this is a ludicrous service done in the name of social conscience, that if it was your intent to scam us, you are mediocre scam artist at best, indeed, you poor dear. ****

Yes, friends and colleagues, for the inexpensive donation of $10 or more to a homelessness service provider of our choosing, The Social Debt courier services will hand-deliver a politely worded, town-wit-approved, partially-customized form letter to the event that you must decline during the hours of its being an event, to someone deemed important by you or else us at said event, with the winningest of coy smiles. The letter will state that you must regretfully decline in a series of wrote paragraphs with minor modifications pre-approved by you, then carefully printed on hand-chosen paper of the most complimentary grain and contrast, sealed in an envelope with your name handwritten on the front, in refined and ladylike cursive, and the word “Regrets” prominent and central. Our couriers come from the finest stocks of lovelies, and universally empathize with your position.

AT LONG LAST, an economic refinement of the natural splenetic bounty hitherto untapped: the guilt normally associated with missing obligatory social events will now be rechanneled to alleviate the guilt normally expended on worrying about Toronto’s homelessness and chronic housing shortage. This is what the economists in their unexemplary moon-man lingo customarily refer to as “Win-Win.”

For more info on us see our blog:
The Social Debt Couriers
or contact:


** Not-going, the next best thing to attending. ****

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